I, champ

25th of December. Sun, snow, and most punters working their ways through turkeys, away from the slopes. Perfect conditions, then, to flex my skiing muscle.

My entourage was here, of course. Three ladies this time - Ella, mum, grand-maman.

Dad was getting a bit nervous. He said that, with just 20 months (corrected age) and no material skiing experience, I'm falling behind.

BS. Just look at me there: raw talent.

After a good half-hour doing the run, I took the team to a well deserved break. This is Crans-Montana after all. Alcohol, gossip and show-offs are never far away.

Ella got her own hot drink, too.

Second run after the break. More awesomeness.

In actual fact, my performance did attract some attention from passers-by. Mum and dad got a lot of questions about my age, previous training, etc. Mostly from other parents grappling with their 7-year old (ie near-on geriatric) children on skis. Some people shot movies. More talked. All nodded in appreciation.

Fame, at last.

An insider's guide to winter sports

Time to debunk a few myths. It ain't that hard.

First, make sure there's enough snow. Check.

Second, look unfazed whatever happens. Really important, that.

Third, always, always have a back-up plan to get you out of trouble. Or if you get bored.

Fourth, eat appropriately. Usually the kind of stuff that'll make your arteries cringe: melted cheese, dried meat, lots of butter, chocolate.

Finally, know when to kick back. There's no substitute for beauty sleeps.

Remember me when you shine on the slopes this Northern winter.

Little Jay Kay

How the Northern half lives

Not to put too fine a point on it, the Northern half lives in bitter cold.

An under tons of snow. About two metres at 2000m, 80cm around here. Reportedly, these are excellent conditions for my 'initiation to the white stuff'.

I wasn't quite sure where the thing was going at first. Lots of dressing up with thick, heavy and mostly movement-impairing gear.


Moon, here I come.


As if that wasn't enough, you got to strap on yet another set of appendices, called skeez.


Slippery things, them.


We did quite a bit of exercise. Well, if I'm honest, Dad did most of the lifting and running about. My mission, he said, was to stay upright.


Too easy!!


For those who've heard me recently, that picture is me saying Woaaaaaaawww.

Everyone agreed I did brilliantly. Felt quite chuffed, too!

I did so well in fact that I went out at night for more slippery fun. Complete with a silly hat.

Easy riding

Lovin' it!

Phew!

Another epic trip. You'll be glad to learn that I behaved in an exemplary fashion. Again.
And almost.

Everything started well, on a beautiful Saturday in Sydney. One of the very few we had this summer, in fact. As real estate agents say, this picture is the actual view on the day.


The whole family was looking forward to a new adventure. Except Ella, whose thought at the time, as most of the time, was 'seriously, when's my next feed?'

Our dear James was there to pick us up. He had been warned of loads of luggage. He came prepared. Just look at the size of that thing. A motorcade.

The lot of us settled down nicely. I felt for mum. She didn't get a booster seat. Ella, on the other hand, got a bit too much of a seat. You lightweight.

So mum packed her in tight. As you do.

The rest was what you'd expect from a long flight.

Suspicious food.

Little spies.

Naps...

... and trashy awakenings.

Phew!

Santa

You know what they say, Christmas stuff hits you earlier each year. It's true. 20 November and we had our kids' Christmas party. You won't hear me complain. In fact, I say bring Christmas earlier yet. January would be good, for example.

We had barely arrived that it got going already. I wasn't sure about the hat at first. They told me it was actually a helmet. That means action. That makes it ok for me, then.

Next thing I know, I was saddling a majestic horse. An Australian thoroughbred. A stallion of epic proportions. In one word: a destrier.

The proud beast (Ruby is her fierce name), subjected to my natural authority - and that of my good lady page, and mum's a bit too.

I concluded that horses are great every once in a while but I wouldn't have one. Smelly, for one thing. And not very fast. Nor comfy. So long, Ruby.

I then met that bearded man in funny dress (it was 30 degrees today). Santa's his name. Smelly chap, not very fast handing out presents nor very comfy. A bit like Ruby, really.

I got an awesome pressie. Can you guess what it was? Here are a few hints: Swiss design, orange, faster than a horse.


Yup, that's it. A scooter. Bloody good one, too! I'm outta here.




PS: Ella can't be bothered with presents. She got a bottle of milk and was happy. Bless her.

Summa!

38 degrees and sunny. My kind of weather.

The plan for the day is fairly simple:

1. Make Ella happy. It's even worth my favourite soft toy. Been there, done that.

2. Get the look right. After all, this is Sydney.

3. Play. Lots.

4. Chill out with the family

5. Take in the sunset. And remember Daniel's star-gazing wind down

6. Look forward to tomorrow. Good night.